If only you had the right routine to do, the right story to tell or the right threat to make so that they would just stop it and start having fun properly like they are supposed to. Well the bad news is it’s too late. You missed the part where you make sure this does not get started and now the barn is on fire and the horse has bolted. If your going to have them on your side you needed to do it a bit earlier.
Building Rapport
The most important tool in your box for working with children is creating rapport. Many people seem to have a slightly different view of what rapport is. Some think it’s something to do with being silly and getting laughs. Mostly people think it’s about getting people to like you. Nope it has nothing to do with any of that. Having them like you may help you entertain them or educate them but for dealing with a group of kids (or any audience) rapport is far more important.
In two words rapport is mutual respect. Yes that’s both of you respecting each other, not just them respecting you. In a few more words it is the situation where a person feels understood and trusts another to the point where they will let that person guide them. It does not require that they like that person. You may be thinking that you would not trust someone you did not like but maybe you would. Let’s look at an example.
Let’s say you asked a couple of people about the pains in your chest. The first was the local funny man who cracked a few jokes and gave you a beer and then said you might want to take it easy. The second was a local GP who was a grumpy old sod who kept you waiting too long, asked a long list of questions, consulted a couple of huge weird looking books whilst ignoring you completely and then said he should book you in for heart surgery strait away. Which would you trust? Not hard to guess but the point is that it has nothing to do with liking him.
Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying it’s a good idea to not be liked by the children you deal with but I just want you to understand that rapport is not the same thing and has a different purpose. Mostly it’s about trust. The reason the grumpy old GP gets to advise you is because you trust him and his opinion has credibility not because you like him. The reason that children will let you guide them through an experience is the same. They won’t let you entertain them unless they trust that you can do so. They won’t let you educate them unless they trust that you can do that. Before you start expecting them to pay attention or jump through hoops you need to prove to them that they should trust you. Oh and by the way you might only have a couple of minutes at the most to do that before the monsters arrive.
I know it may seem impossible but believe it or not you already know how to do this. If you’ve ever got a date, or a job, or even made a friend then you have used all the techniques you need to have them eating out of the palm of your hand. You see kids are actually just little adults. They may not be as experienced as we are but they are usually just as bright and will make the same type of judgments we do. So just like getting a date your first impressions will count and some things almost always work.
The first is confidence. You need to be the one steering the boat from the moment you arrive. Set up an environment where they are now entering your world and there is an expectation of them playing within your guidelines. We all feel comfortable knowing someone is in charge. It makes us feel safe so the foundation of trust is established. Believe it or not mutiny is not their first choice.
Then comes credibility. Use every tool you can to establish that you are very good at what you are there to do. Look the part. Dress well and have professional equipment. If they don’t know who you are, what you’ve done or your qualifications have someone tell them before hand. The more respect they have for the opinion of the person introducing you the more credibility you will have. The older the children are the more important this is. If you can it’s a good idea to supply a suitable introduction. If you can’t be sure of a good verbal introduction you can put one on tape or on an introductory video. You can also let them know who you are in writing before the event perhaps with a poster or a brochure or some other type of advertising. Your saying to them “You can trust this person they know what their doing”.
The next thing is to set up some common ground. If you wanted that date this would involve some small talk and with kids it does as well. Literally small talk. What small talk does is it makes us feel understood. It lets us know that the other person understands us and is interested in our opinions or our world if you like. For children most adults seem unapproachable and not really interested in what seems important for the child. If however you give a child even the smallest opportunity to tell you something they will begin blurting out all sorts of things. In fact you will need to know another technique for getting them to stop.
There are three basic techniques for starting some small talk. The first is to comment on something they are familiar with and understand. This lets them join in the conversation strait away and also introduces a little bit of self esteem as they get to show you their knowledge. We will be talking a lot about self esteem throughout this blog. If you really want to win points you can make a mistake and allow them to correct you. “Oh cool balloons, I love balloons. The chocolate ones are my favourite.”
The second is to ask for their help with something. Children love to feel like they are being a contribution and of course love being praised for having done something for you. “I have to get something else from the car. Could you look after this for me and make sure no one touches it?”
The third and by far the best is to ask questions. Just like the date a smart person starts by asking questions that you know they know the answers to so they don’t feel uncomfortable. Try to put yourself in their shoes and see if you can ask about what will interest them the most at that time. The great thing about this is that it adapts to almost any situation and can lead towards whatever you’re trying to provide. Let’s look at a couple of different situations.
You meet the birthday child who is going to be a key player in your show later and who you want to have on side. They are probably excited about their party and that you are there. “Is it your birthday today? I’m always so excited on my birthday, are you excited? How old are you? Did you get any presents yet?
Notice that I’m not only letting them talk about the things that interest them but I’m letting them know that I really understand how their feeling. This is a very strong technique for building rapport. Once someone feels understood they feel safe. Even the fact that your letting them tell you how they feel makes them feel more comfortable about interacting with you.
Now Imagine I’m at a shopping centre and the kids begin arriving for the show. “Have you come for the magic show? How come you’re not at school? I’m very excited, are you excited? I wish it would hurry up”
Next time I will talk about building rapport with groups very quickly. Until then, thanks for tuning in.
Mr Jim
For information about my shows and services please visit www.drippydragon.com
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