Kids love Rules, Rewards and Consequences

Have you ever tried playing a game with someone who keeps changing the rules?  Most of us pretty soon don't want to play anymore . The reason is simple. We human beings need to feel that we have some control over our circumstances to feel safe and comfortable and we need to know the rules and boundries to know what will work and what won't.

Having clear rules works for kids on so many levels, not the least of which is the fact that it's the way our community, our society, and our world works and their future will be greatly affected by understanding that life has rules with rewards and concequences. So how is this going to help you with making kids happy?

The first thing you should do is make sure that the children know the rules and why the rules exist. The biggest problem that both parents and others who work with children create for themselves is by not making it clear as to why a rule exists. Children are naturally testing their boundries to gain that little bit more control which is in fact a good thing. Later in life blindly following every rule without question my not be their best choice either. They should be taught to question the reason for the rule. When they understand why a rule exists they also understand why the rewards and consequences are in place. Just saying "Don't do that" in an angry tone won't really teach them anything. Many times it takes almost no more trouble to state the reason than it takes to give them the rule. In my shows I make the rules clear as I go along by saying things like...

Please stay sitting right down on your bottoms so the people at the back can see.

Please don't throw things because you might really hurt someone by accident.

Please don't suck the balloons as the little kids might copy you and they could choke.

These rules are reinforced by rewards and concequences during the show. Lets look at the sitting down rule for example. When I'm performing children will naturally tend to sit up on their knees without thinking and often they will get excited and stand up or come forward during the show. Needless to say this does not really work well as they will quickly copy each other and pretty soon the situation is unworkable. In my magic show I choose the helpers for each routine by saying "Ok I need someone to help me. Lets see who is still sitting nicely on their bottoms". This makes it clear that there is a reward for following the rule. If a child is sitting up blocking the view of the others I will ask them to sit right down and point out the children behind them who can't see. If I have asked them a few times and they are still sitting up I will ask their name and then ask if they like sitting at the back sometimes. This is not done in a harsh of sarcastic way but in a genuine way. They will of course say no and I then say "That's where people who don't sit on their bottoms sit so the others can see". Usually this will solve the problem for the rest of the show.

Now we come to the rule that makes it all work. DON'T CHANGE THE RULES.  If the child sits up again I do make them to go and sit at the back. I keep the agreement that I have made with them and this is the same if I had promised a reward. This applies to any rule that you give a child in life. If you say there is a reward or concequence for an action then apply the result no matter what or make the child earn a change of that result. If you do not apply the result you will quickly teach the child (and any other children watching) that they cannot trust you to keep your word and so they will test the situation every time a rule is applied. If you have already created this type of situation at home or elsewhere you can sit the child or children down and explain to them very clearly why the rule applies and the impact that not following it has and then state that the rewards and concequences will apply not matter what from here on in. Of course you then need to do exactly that. If you then start to stick to your word about the results all the time you will soon see the children become more relaxed and you will notice that you are MAKING KIDS HAPPY.

Information about my shows and events can be found at http://www.drippydragon.com